Christopher - Entry 6 - (No Title Specified)

 I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it
 I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it  I should have done it I should have done it I should have done it 

Should I have done it? 

The tiger man we met, he was too colorful for the kind of soul he has. How can he show so much cheer when he sells people for a living? When he offers food in exchange for a person? 

In exchange for someone like me. Someone small... 

He said small ones sell really well, and wanted to buy me, to sell me to all kinds of demons. He didn't say the food was expensive... he didn't even mention a price. 

The only thing that told me that I shouldn't trust him, was the fact that he asked if I was for sale right when we met. 

I should have done it

When he asked for our payment for the food, he automatically said he would take me in exchange. I thought that, well, maybe he would just be ok with knowing that he... corrupted me. I never killed anything. I thought that, if I killed something for him, maybe got in his indirect service, maybe that would be ok. 

But when I told him I never killed anything, he told me I was worth 10 times as much. 

He agreed he would free 10 people he was trying to sell...

I should have done it

Shut up, Aiko, I don't want to write anymore

... Fine... I'll finish

I tried offering my services in exchange of freeing the 10 people he promised to free. I really tried. But my friends wouldn't let me. I know they are trying to protect me, but those other people had no one to protect them. 

I had my chance to protect TEN people. I'm just one gnome. People can't even tell me apart from a halfling. I promised I'd help people and now... 

Now I feel like I'm the one who sent 5 of those people, who were still alive and not just souls resting in hell...

Well...

I feel like I sent them to their deaths. 

I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT

Why does it even matter if I do my best to help people, if when I try it doesn't work? Or if others don't allow me to? Why do any of the promises I keep matter? 

Bowie, I think it was, told me that me not being able to handle not helping these people is selfish. So what would be the selfless solution? Is there such thing? 

I should have done it. I appreciate that another solution was found, but knowing I could have helped ten... 

Maybe? No. 

I mean

Maybe I'll find another way to help them, anyway.